Eva Lundsager, Were now like (detail), 2021, oil on canvas
Manhood’s Gambit
| We do not choose the parents who birthed us. | |
| My father asked me if I wanted to stay | in England. |
| His voice echoed between mountains | with great canyons, fading, |
| remembering his face from two pictures, | hardly, |
| remembering the Cadbury Chocolate Roses, | the aftertaste. No |
| loving calls, nor weekly, monthly visits recalled | ever. No |
| proclivity for me to be rooted to his tree | or spring buds. |
| My stepfather was presence, postured to parent us | with anger |
| instead of teaching math, football, manhood. | Feeling empty |
| for a patriarch-guide, providing stories of life. | My mummy scraping |
| for our emotional needs; his loving touch | missing, |
| given to glasses of stiff drink. | |
| My adolescence welcomed advisement | from a man, arms wide, |
| my friend’s father, pseudo-father role | teaching me |
| the mechanics of cars, life, to | touch a woman |
| with respect, kind voice, a smile, | willing to laugh |
| with sincere heart. | |
| I played the three-shell game, guessing | |
| after a green pea, finding stale | |
| affinity in these fathers, strangers, | |
| to explain my hairs growing, leaving reeking odors | |
| when not cared for—my teenage feelings, | |
| my unraveling when seized on by riotous peers, | |
| those tempting serpents that a father or real male mentor | |
| could have deflected. |
Mervyn Seivwright’s work has appeared or is forthcoming in The Santa Fe Literary Review, AGNI, The Trinity Review, Montana Mouthful Literary Magazine, iō Literary Journal, Toho Journal, and Rigorous Journal, as well as in Z Publishing’s anthology 2019 Emerging Poets in Kentucky. His work has also been commissioned by the British Museum in Ipswich, England. Born in London and of Jamaican lineage, he lives in Tipp City, Ohio. (updated 4/2020)